SUBJECT: ARCUS ODYSSEY
MEDIA: PRINT AD
YEAR: 1991
I'm sorry but did David Izat just refer to himself as a "Professional Gamer"? Isn't that like calling yourself a "World Knitting Champion" or "Vice President in charge of Stamp Collecting"? Referring to video game playing as a career is something you do jokingly when you're unemployed and have little respect for your dignity. What's even scarier is that it appears David had to attend San Jose State to attain his dream job of manipulating sprites. Or, my other theory: he snuck into the campus bookstore to buy that sweatshirt when he paused Arcus Odyssey for 15 minutes.
Please forgive the stereotyping, but David Izat looks like the type of guy who spent his high school years trapped in a locker with his underwear pulled over his head. It also appears that he likes video games so much that he printed out business cards that say "Professional Gamer" at some mall kiosk. How this makes him the quintessential sensei of fun is still unknown. I do know, however, that I've been hesitant to take leisure advice from dweebs ever since a group of accountants convinced me to join them for a 'wild evening of debauchery' that turned out to be a trip to the abacus museum followed by sock shopping.
I've never seen or played "Arcus Odyssey but, based on the advertising used to hype it, I'll assume it's fun-level was on par with Windows' Calculator. No game with at least a modicum of excitement would use a kid that reeks of nasal spray and ointment to pimp it ("The Legend Of Zelda" being one of precious few exceptions) And it seemed that video game magazine advertising was filled with "professional gamer" spokesmen in
the early 90's. Who could forget my favorite example, beloved Nintendo World Champion Thor Aackerlund (right)? His cocky, Dungeon Master smirk warmed our collective hearts as we imagined his squeaky voice serenading us with the wonderfulness that
enveloped the Micro Machines video game he hyped.
Nowadays, the professional gamer industry has taken a turn for the worse and video game companies no longer have a need for the likes of David and Thor. But we shall never forget their contributions to the wonderful world of videogame advertising. Thank you gentlemen. Now go out and get real jobs.
***UPDATE***
On December 20th, 2003 I received a letter from Thor 'Camerica' Aackerlund. And although as a rule I never trust anyone whose last name starts with double vowels, I decided to read it anyway. Reprinted below is what he said:
Thor today with whom I assume is either his girlfriend or wife. It seems he has shed his videogame spokesman duties to become a pitchman for Glad Bags. And like Tom Bosley before him, he scoring major babes with that gig.
FROM: Thor Aackerlund
SUBJECT: Hey cool site ;) This is Thor!
I was just browsing around on the internet, and one of my friends said he saw me on your site ... so I clicked it up, and lo and behold, there I am heheh. Wow that brings back memories. The company I was working for after I won was Camerica, and their first game 'micromachines' was pretty good. Little did I know that the rest of their coming games were bad. Wait, that's not true, bad isn't a strong enough word. They were F*%^%ING HORRIBLE LOL. Not only that, but at the time I was endorsing this crap (outside my 13-year-old's ability to control), it was quite obvious that the NES was on the way out, because the cool SNES and Genesis were out :) CAMERICA WOULDN'T MAKE ANY SNES OR GENESIS GAMES!!!! Gah! BAKA BAKA! Pretty frustrating. Oh well, I had a lot of fun and met a lot of really interesting people at a very cool time in gaming history. Just wanted to give you props on your site and say hi. Drop me a line if you want to know any more :) I'll attach a recent pic, I was 13 in that pic, 26 now.. that was half my life ago!
Best wishes for your Xmas + NuYear,
Thor
It was interesting (and, I admit, an honor) to hear from the man whose face kept Camerica in business during their non-Micro Machine game releases. Well he didn't actually keep them in business. Neither Thor the spokesman, Thor the Viking Thunder God, nor Thor the warrior you controled with the red joystick in "Gauntlet" could save that company. And though I'm just a wee bit baffled by the sound effects ('Baka Baka'?), I appreciate the letter and pic.
As a side note, I really wish I had the name "Thor". Look at the subject line. Even in print, "This is Thor" seems to boom down with an intense rage that leaves eveyone quaking with ears perched lest they suffer some sort of wrath. Man that is so friggin' cool. I'd be on the phone starting each conversation in my best James Earl Jones voice proclaiming, "THIS IS THOR! I want to order a Pizza" or "THIS IS THOR! Connect me to AOL tech support prontee-PRONTO before you feel my meaty fist smack down the backside of your egged head!" Yup. Cool-ass name.