1,215,223.1 Football Fields Under The Sea

Since the 1960's, metrication has affected 95% of the world's population. However, there are three nations in the world that have thumbed their noses at the Metric System. America is one of them. There's a good reason for that. We'd be completely lost if we can't measure distances by "football* fields". For reference: a "football field" is equal to 100 yards, 300 feet, 91.44 meters or one-quarter of four football fields (yes, we even measure football fields in "football fields").

Road Conversation for One

Driving alone often leads to controlled bouts of mild insanity. At least that's the observation I made about myself after taking a half-mile drive to the drugstore this morning.

Who Gave Me The "Macarena"?

In late 1995, various incarnations of "Macarena" have infiltrated the eardrums of unsuspecting listeners with its catchy rhythm and infectious dance. Even though wildly popular, it peaked in late 1997.

In 2008, it somehow found its way back into my head.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars

I don't have to tell you that this movie blows. If you were at all interested, you've read scads of scathing reviews already. I'm not a die-hard Star Wars fanatic that knows the back-story of every tertiary character, but even I could tell Lucas phoned this one in from a tin-can attached to a wet string.

The Vista Ad About Nothing

Microsoft recently announced that they have enlisted the aide of Jerry Seinfeld to help move a few more units of their Windows Vista operating system. This move is intended to counteract the line of successful commercials from Apple featuring Justin Long playing the literal personification of a Mac, as he smugly demonstrates his superiority over a middle-aged, malady-ridden gentleman playing the role of a PC. If Microsoft pulls this off, we'll start equating the PC with jokes about airline food and a strong revulsion towards chubby mailmen.

2008 Fall TV Preview

The summer is winding down and the new television season is staring us right in the face. Let's stare right back at it and highlight five interesting new and returning shows that will be lighting up your living room come September:

An Open Letter to that "Staring Woman"

Dear "Woman Who Stares at Me While I'm on the Porch":

When I step out onto my second floor porch I am often bemused and bewildered to see you transfixed in my general direction. At first, I brush it off as simple curiosity that spills into a social faux pas. Soon thereafter, I become freaked-out and paranoid. Stop that.

Thanks Arthur

Young William - you know who you are - you have uncovered the greatest treasure YouTube has to offer. If you found a vending machine that dispensed naked ladies three for a penny, it still wouldn't top this nine second piece of excellence. Let's have a look:

Rainy Day Horror Discovery

Another day, another thunderstorm. I don't remember any other time in my life when we've had more rainy days in a single week. I don't mind it so much except that the dog gets frantic. If he could speak English, or at least grunt more clearly, I swear he'd be asking me to do something about the weather. Since I can't, it doesn't matter that we don't communicate.

Highway to Cleveland

Early last month, my girlfriend and I took that long overdue vacation we've been planning since the dawn of interstate travel (give or take a couple of industrial revolutions). Money was tight and Italy had the audacity to separate themselves from us with this big body of water. So we figured Cleveland was the answer.

The Future is Ruined!

It looks as if we are not to far-off from perfecting cloaking technology. Scientists from Berkley have created a material that bends light to make it appear as if the subject wearing said material isn't really there. In essence, you are invisible.

Why Do I Even Watch TV Anymore...

...when it only raises my blood-pressure to unhealthy levels? No, it's not the quality of the programming I'm bitching about. It's the amount of promos and garbage you have to visually weed-through to get to the actual entertainment.